This question might seem simple but it’s not. The reason why I say so is that when you look at it critically, coupled with the marriages we witness these days, it makes me wonder why we ‘tie the knot’ in the first place.
On several occasions when I’ve had discussions with people, I’ve asked them this question and got some interesting answers.
TO REPRODUCE: If I set this as an examination question, I’m very sure that this is what most people will say, especially those who study science. Most people believe that the essence of getting married is to give birth to babies. Their reason needs to explanation really but I ask, can’t people give birth without getting married ? Are you telling me that the reason why I decide to spend the rest of my life with a woman is so that we can be baby producers ? Now that’s interesting…You will agree that there’s more to marriage than making babies because you can have them without getting married anyway. As a matter of fact, with modern scientific breakthrough, you can have a child without sex so don’t even start the argument that marriage makes giving birth morally acceptable unlike when your not married.
COMPANIONSHIP: Some persons believe that the reason why we get married is to have a companion i.e. to be with someone rather than be alone. Well…I dunno why a dog, a parrot, a cat or any pet cannot fill this space if your reason for getting married is to have a companion. Why not get a pet then ?
CONTRACT/AGREEMENT: Yes ! These are the educated high class people’s opinion. Not just high class but those who do not believe in emotional attachment ; the language they speak is money, property, deals, etc.
Some people believe that marriage is not just a contract which has terms and conditions attached, and a breach of any of these conditions attached and a breach of any of these conditions can lead to a divorce straight away. Although this might not be our orthodox view on marriage, I must say that this perspective is somewhat admirable. With this belief, people don’t have to “stress themselves” to be emotionally attached to the other party. All they do is ; the woman knows what she wants to ne satisfied. It could be money, an estate, a company or even sex. All she needs to do is to focus on herself and then when she sees a man that can satisfy these needs, then they have a deal !
STATUS QUO: You will be surprised to hear this but this is where many Nigerians fall under. I’ve realized that many of us have no idea why we get married, we just feel it’s a requirement in life when you get to a certain age. We just get married because others are getting married and we are up to the age to do same – “my mates have all gotten married, what am I still doing here ?”
We believe that life is like a video game that has different levels and on reaching any level, you should acquire a prescribed reward for that level ; at a certain age, you are meant to go to nursery then primary school, then secondary school, after that, your meant to go to the university to study either law, medicine or engineering(these are the courses admired by our society); graduate and then get married, even though you don’t want to. People who are married are more respected in the society compared to their single counterparts so we are pressured into getting married without having a valid reason.
The most annoying thing is that even in this time and age, our parents still dictate who we get married to and which tribe in Nigeria he must come from. I have a very close friend who’s parents told him that if he attempts to get married to someone from a particular tribe, they wouldn’t come to the wedding. Having heard this, the guy has made a vow never to marry from that tribe. Chai ! and we claim to know what love feels like. You’ll even see a girl on her wedding day in a beautiful gown saying her wedding vows like ; “I love you from the bottom of my heart” Which heart ? You don’t even have a mind of your own and your claiming to love with your heart. It’s quite sad.
Anyway, no matter what your reason is, it’s your choice but please know why you are planning on getting married because this is the cause of so many broken relationships. Like a friend of mine likes to say ; when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.
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